by Kurt Gensheimer

Blings:

• More torque than a locomotive
• Luxurious and spacious interior
• Ridiculously large in every way, shape and form

Dings:

• Embarrassing fuel economy
• Kidney-bursting suspension
• Ridiculously large in every way, shape and form

Ruling: I love America!!!!!!!!

All I was thinking as I steered this absolute monstrosity of a pickup into a parking lot full of Harleys was to not be a bonehead and accidentally knock them over like a pile of dominoes. I had to get a few of the obligatory Harley pictures, and this was the perfect opportunity. Totally by chance, I was just passing through Temecula, saw the Harley dealership and decided to drop in. Little did I know there was a huge event going on; a parking lot filled with bikes, babes and a preacher enlightening fellow Harley brothers.

Me being the furthest thing from a ‘Harley Guy’, I sandwiched the F-250 in between a set of two-wheeled beasts laden in chrome and started snapping away. Massive, hulking dudes donning brain buckets and leather vests stared at me with a bewildered look. Had it not been for the truck, I’d have surely been booted out of there in an instant. But they came up, took a gander at the truck, and flashed me a look of approval. Somehow, I passed muster. A woman walked up from behind and tapped me on the shoulder.

“Say, can you help me? I got a bolt on my bike I can’t get loose. I need help from a big strong guy.” I looked around to make sure the woman wasn’t misdirecting her request for assistance. But alas, there was nobody else around who could hear.

“Me? You sure you want me to help?” I pointed to a much more muscular, tattooed, 300-pound human bolt breaking machine across the lot. “He might be able to help you better than me.”

“No, no honey. Any man who drives a truck like that can help me sure enough.” I tried explaining that it wasn’t my truck, but she wasn’t listening. Luckily, she had forearms the size of Lara Flynn Boyle’s, so I was easily able to break the bolt loose. But it was a close call. I was definitely out of my league driving this truck.

First Impressions

Okay, so here’s the name of this vehicle…deep breath…2008 Ford F-250 Super Duty 4×4 Crew Cab Power Stroke Diesel V8 Lariat Harley Davidson Edition. The only thing longer and more drawn out than the name of this beast is the size of it. At nearly 21 feet long and over 8,000 pounds, this F-250 qualifies every bit as a ‘land yacht’. It barely fits in the driveway. I nearly decapitated pedestrians and cyclists alike with the side mirrors. Before any outing with the truck, I had to plan ahead to make sure my destination had ample parking space. Big doesn’t even begin to describe its dimensions.

At first, I felt that this truck personified everything I hated about American excess, obnoxiousness and general wastefulness. This truck is a monstrosity. Who in the hell needs this much power, space and room? It’s so heavy that it’s exempt from listing fuel mileage numbers on the Mulroney. The only person who would think this truck feels small is an ice road trucker or a dude who lives part-time in a Caterpillar.

I felt entirely uncomfortable and out of place in this machine, but that discomfort lasted all of about fifteen minutes. Before I even made it to the grocery store, I was stomping on the accelerator full-throttle with the window down simply to hear the whooosh of the massive twin turbos and the clacking thunder of the 6.4 liter Power Stroke V8 diesel. As the truck approached 40 pounds of boost and shot me down freeway on-ramps in a stampede of American steel, I felt like a man. A real man. A man who eats raw, red meat and bench presses steel I-beams. And for that entire week, Harley owners and women alike took me for a real man, despite my clean fingernails, lack of beer gut and no visible facial scars or tattoos.

Performance

Let’s get one thing perfectly clear; if you’re not towing anything heavy, and I mean heavy to the tune of over 12,000 pounds, then there is absolutely no reason why you need a machine this big. The only exception of course is if you drive big rigs and Caterpillars by trade. Otherwise, you’re wasting money and precious fossil fuel resources.

After addressing the fuel-delivery issues which plagued the previous generation 6.0 liter Power Stroke V8, the new 6.4 liter Power Stroke V8 has massive, dual-stage twin turbos which produce eye-popping numbers to the tune of 350 horsepower at 3000 RPM and 650 pound-feet of torque at 2000 RPM. And I’m sure there are some real men out there with a Banks system easily clearing 900 pound-feet. Those are the guys that usually arm curl I-beams, not bench press them. There is a little bit of turbo lag off the line, but once the truck is moving, hang on to your Angus beef double bacon cheeseburger. Another item worth mentioning is that the new 6.4 liter Power Stroke runs on Ultra-Low Sulfur Diesel (ULSD) only, and combined with Ford’s Clean Diesel Technology, the engine burns cleaner with less odor. Unfortunately, for all those real men out there, massive black, sooty clouds of smoke when going full throttle are a thing of the past.

Fuel economy was as expected - terrible. Even though it’s a diesel, don’t get your hopes up. Combined city and freeway driving came in a shade under 14 mpg. Although the Power Stroke is a power house, the Cummins diesels found in Dodge trucks often deliver every bit as much power with highway mpg numbers right about 20.

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